Sex tips by Mike Diamond

7 06 2010

This is not for the prude. Funny  and raunchy comic Mike Diamond gives out some sex-tips in EDGE Boston….

Remember, there are certain things nobody wants to hear during sex. These include, but are not limited to:

“Oops, sorry, I had a big lunch’
Water sloshing around inside of him;
“Can you not aim your cum onto my 600 thread count sheets?”
The whir of a video camera;
’Honey, I’m home!’
Policeman tapping on the car window;
“That’s not my ring, that’s my watch”.

Fantasy is hot, so do all you can to keep the illusion going, you nelly queen, you. Stash your ’All About Eve’ DVD in the closet, and refrain from blasting Judy, Barbara or Diana from the speakers. Yes, sex is the one time when self loathing is not only OK, it’s encouraged!

If you get a pubic hair caught in your throat, bitch just swallow it.

Be creative; try to create a whole new sex act. I did, here’s how it goes. If you’re down on your knees blowing a really fat guy, pull his belly over your head. I call it the Sleeping Bag. It’s a great name because that experienceis sorta like camping, bits of food everywhere. Oh those crazy binge eating chubbsters!

If you always dreamed of being an archeologist, have sex with an older man, it’s like uncovering fossils! You’ve heard of that porno mag about young girls called ’Barely Legal’? Now there’s a hot porn magazine all about older guys, it’s called ’Barely Breathing’. Because nothing beats a good gum job!

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Brussels

3 05 2010

Last weekend me and my boyfriend made a trip to the beautiful capital of Belgium. Even though it is my neighboring country and I have been all over Europe, strangely enough I had only visited Brussels twice before at night, to party. From Amsterdam it is only 1.5 hours with the Thalys and it really feels very different from Holland. The first night I was alone because my hubby was still on his way through Europe to get to Brussels(it was the week after the start of the volcano trouble).I walked over the magnificent Grand Place with numerous intriguing century old buildings. Lots of gold and amazing details. Then a quick bite to eat at a brasserie, duck in a beer broth and later on some of the best ice-cream I ever had, with a gingerbread flavor. After that I had a quick walk though the gay area of Brussels, which was fun. Lots of flirting going on, always good for the ego. I definitely miss that from NY, here where I live in the Netherlands I go weeks without seeing many gays(or none at all) sometimes. Our hotel was the luxurious Rocco Forte Amigo where the beds were very comfortable. Next morning I finally saw my boyfriend and it always feels extra great to see each other after a longer absence. We got some coffee, soft-drinks and sandwiches at a nice little bakery in the sun and planned the rest of our day. First we did some shopping and bought a cool retro orange/black messenger bag for myself and a new digital camera. We had lots of pictures so shoot and nothing to do it with at the time(2 of them are in NY) so it was a necessity. Then it was time for lunch already and we went to a small place recommended by the concierge of the hotel and it was phenomenal. My boyfriend had the best casserole with lots of meat and beans he ever had( and he had a lot) For myself there was rabbit rillette as a starter and sole in a creamy sauce for my main. After that it was off for a long walk to burn some calories, through the picturesque city center. Beautiful churches, pedigreed lawns/parks and the palace of the Belgian royal family. Not as pretty as the British one but still worth seeing. At night we had reservations at a 2-star Michelin restaurant. That means in general for foodies like us a good time but this was one of the most mediocre Michelin star restaurants we ever ate. The amuses were uninspiring, the fish-sauce too fat and the sweetbreads a bit bland. The silverware was very chic as was the interior but the service was not up to par while they were pretending to be very formal. Empty glasses were not filled on time and the bottles were out of reach for us, napkins were not refolded after toilet visits nor did people get any assistance sitting down. Don’t get me wrong the food was ok and some of the formalities are not important to me at all, but expectations from a 2 star are pretty big. We had a great night together nonetheless The next day the weather was again very nice (sunny and 70’s) and after a nice breakfast at one of the many outside cafe’s surrounding the Grand Place we thought it was time for some culture and went to 2 museums. The first one was a beer museum, perfect for my beer-loving boyfriend. The showed how some of the famous Belgian beer was brewed in the past and present and it ended with a tasty local beer. Not too shabby huh? Belgium is famous for his comic books and I read many of them as a kid. The cartoon-museum featured some of my favs like Suske and Wiske and Tintin but I expected a bit more. It is worthwhile for families but I would not recommend it for only adults. Then we walked fo another hour or so, bought some of the famous Belgian chocolate for family and had a farewell lunch at out spot from saturday afternoon. Another hearty feast was served and eaten to the last little crumb. All in all I would totally recommend people to visit Brussels, maybe in combination with the medieval beauty Brugge for a long weekend.





News; crotch-grabbing people, Dick, Beckham, Hawaii civil union, Holland raised 41 million euro for Haiti

25 01 2010

Andy Dick has got himself in trouble again. The comic was arrested and charged with 2 counts of sexual abuse for groping and kissing patrons and bouncers in a Huntington, West Virginia, nightclub. He was in Huntington for his comedy shows and had grabbed attention already by dropping the skirt he was wearing as Daphne Aguilera and being nude on stage for at least 5 minutes. In a the book of Kathy Griffin there is a similar sketch described about Andy and he just seems a good guy that is extremely funny( and I would def. like to see him perform) and extremely troubled as well.

Andy was not the only person grabbing genitals this week. David Beckham got his balls grabbed by a female italian TV-host of the show The Hyena’s in Milan. After doing it she screamed: “You lied, you are small.” Meaning the Armani underwear billboards Beckham modeled for. Just super rude and the bitch needs a fine at least for this, just not funny.

The Hawaii Senate passed a civil union bill that would give gay and straight people entering it the same rights as married couples with 18-7. Now the house has to vote on it and I think it is about time this happened in Hawaii because there has been talk about it. there for years. This is the way it happened in the Netherlands and Britain as well and maybe should be what the U.S strives for as well now that all the bigots do not want gay marriage yet.

The Haiti telethon in the U.S was a success by earning 57 million dollars. Multiple stars sing live for the good cause and Madonna as surprisingly strong. Voice is really getting better by the years. In the Netherlands there was a similar action and raised 41 million euros so even more in dollars. The government doubled it so together it was 82 million euros. I think the U.S did good as well, but having 307 million people there and 16 million in the Netherlands, we did absolutely fantastic.